


but whatever

by canadiandraqula



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Crying, Gen, Self Hatred (implied), lapslock, mega oof
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-23
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2019-08-28 01:26:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16713931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/canadiandraqula/pseuds/canadiandraqula
Summary: “what the fuck am i even crying for”





	but whatever

**Author's Note:**

> written spur of the moment. anxious but it felt good writing it

haechan lay in his bed, feeling the late hours of the night sink into his skin as he takes one last look at the 11:34 PM on his phone’s clock. it stings almost immediately. he takes a deep breath, trying not to choke on the tears in a hurry. after all, who wants to wake up their roommates with bullshit they won’t care about. whatever.

he rolls to his side to face the wall, dreadfully bare as he hears the breathing from mark on the opposite side of the room. his head was pounding. haechan bit his lip, feeling the familiar ovoid coming up his throat.

god did he want to make noise. god did he want to just cause a scene and cry. what good did it do? “i’m being stupid.” haechan clenched his fists as he threw his hands up to his face. 

“what the fuck am i even crying for.” he sighs frustratedly. haechan grabs the bottle on the nightstand, careful to make no sound. mark was exhausted, and he’d feel even worse if he’d waken him.

haechan takes a gulp, feeling the cool moisture gliding down his throat. it feels better at the very least. he throws the covers off of him, the cold winter air hitting his feet. 

he quickly opens the door and tip toes to the bathroom, leaving the lights off. he grabs a tissue for his nose to blow. 

“haechannie?” johnny stops at the bathroom, seeing haechan in the dark. “johnny hyung..” he looks at him, glad johnny couldn’t see the red rim around his eyes. “why are you in there with the lights off?”

“oh my nose is getting runny. i think i’m catching a cold!” haechan joked, feeling it again. “gotcha. close the windows tonight! sleep well, love you!” and with that, johnny left to his room. 

haechan felt it again. the tears coming up. “why would you believe me..” he thinks, clenching the tissue in his hand. he back to the bedroom. 

why can’t he be truthful. it hurt. nothing felt good anymore. why did he have to put on a mask.

it only felt good to make the members and of course the fans happy but truly what haechan wanted was happiness within his heart. he didnt want to lie to everyone with stupid excuses or “im okay!”s

but whatever.


End file.
